Fast and Furious 9
Ten Second Review: Without question one of the most polished turds I’ve seen. It looks near flawless, but at almost every turn is the most trite viewing experience possible.
Cast your mind back to 2001, arguably a simpler time. Certainly a simpler time for the Fast and Furious films. A small character set, a core street racing story and a heist on a truck carrying TVs, DVD players and HiFis. Well, in this ninth instalment in the main series, Dominic Toretto and the gang are on a new mission to save the world (again?), and this time family is on both sides.
Long time readers might remember that I was very complimentary of the Fast and Furious spin off, Hobbes and Shaw. I talked about how well made it was, how much fun it looked like they had making it, how it embraced the ridiculous and was a wonderful example of camp in a modern action film. The key to its success in my opinion, was in its sincerity in making an intentionally over the top movie and winking at the audience while doing so. Fast and Furious 9 not only lacks these qualities, but at points almost seems to resent them.
There are positives to talk about. The actual production quality is incredible and with the right characters (or better yet, the right actors) we see that camp quality shine through. Tyrese Gibson and Ludacris (as Roman and Tej respectively) would slide perfectly into Hobbes and Shaw as they seem to not only understand the ridiculous nature of the film but call it out in a way that doesn’t feel too on the nose. Whereas other characters literally saying that “if this was a movie…” with a sincerity usually reserved for Oscar nominated roles in dramas, really screams handwritten note in the margins of a first draft that accidentally made it in to the final film.
It really is a shame, if the Fast and Furious films were a little more game to be jokes then you’d enjoy laughing along with them as they do their ridiculousness, but as Vin Diesel rattles on about the importance of family or religion in the films you can’t help but feel uncomfortable with the platitudes and piety. They clearly have some of the best stunt coordinators, visual effects artists and a host of other really creative people working to make incredibly polished films. It’s a shame they are let down by the need of some people to pretend these aren’t just popcorn action films that don’t need the depth they pretend to have.
The series has had some real high points; who could forget that safe heist from Fast5 or the car jumping between skyscrapers, and those successes deserve their due props. I will always defend well made, self aware films that understand their value as fun and or spectacle, but the main series of Fast and Furious has run its course and they literally cannot go any higher. I know they make a billion dollars a film, but hopefully Fast and Furious 10 (which I can only hope is titled Fast10 Your Seatbelts) will see Dom Toretto get a happy ending (or a dramatic death) and the series can continue as fun spin-offs that stop taking themselves so seriously.
